Choose Your Own Apocalypse.

A funny thing happens when, in a drunken moment an hour or so before 2008 rolls up you say something like "hey, I have this idea, and it's called 'The Post-Apocalyptic Workout.'"  It starts off as a sort-of joke, a side project, a way to get in (better) shape and learn a thing-er-two while you're doing it, and ends up a holy crap, I thought I didn't have any skills when I thought this thing up and now after reading all of your comments and emails, well crap, I'm really screwed.  Everyone's got their own idea on how this whole art installation we call Earth is gonna blow: we've got fast zombies and slow zombies and alien invasions and biochemical warfare and terrorist agendas and tidal waves and whoops, what does this button do?

I'm working at incorporating all of your ideas into The List, and via a suggestion by reader Katiebear, I'm going to post a monthly schedule of goals to keep us in check as we go along.

That's right, I said us.  Because you know you want to play along at home.  (Or not, but do you really want to be used as a human shield?)  I will mention that while I have weightlifted and gymmed and trained people in the past, I am not a certified personal trainer and whatever workout and/or diet plan that I post is to be undertaken at your own risk.   How I go about this may not be the best way for you.  Hell, it may not even be the best way for me.  There are as many ways to go about this as there are Nightmare Scenarios.   I'm just gonna pick a path and go for it.

As money is currently ubertight, I'm going to keep my budget for this experiment to $50 a month (of course, if the WGA Strike ends and I'm offered some sort of fabulous writing gig, this number could go up.)  That means I won't be able to purchase handguns and crossbows and laser pointers and telescopes and DIY Soylent Green Makers, but it should cover basic classes and supplies.

This weekend I'll come up with a January's Goals and a subsequent plan.  Although we're currently on "Stormwatch 2008" here in the Los Angeles area, so the end may be sooner than we think.  (I know, it's just rain!)  Stay tuned...   

Comments

[Caveman]

A workout/diet/adventure involving zombies!?! I'm behind you 100%, Slack (now who's the human shield?).

"SOLENT GREEN IS...not half bad"

[Sei]

I'm definitely following this (and sharing it).

And I just read that you're "Stormwatch" has winds reaching 145 mph. :/ Better wear your cement shoes, I guess.

[Kelly]

You should definitely learn how to deliver a baby, yours or someone else's, just in case the need should ever arise.

[Rus]

Very interesting! Looking forward to further posts and sharing this as well.

[Brooke]

I think this idea is absolutely GENIUS!! I'll make sure to send any suggestions for crucial post-apocalyptic skills your way if I have any!!

In the meantime I definitely would recommend focusing initially on the glutes and quads during the workouts....not only will that improve endurance for running, but those are also your critical zombie-ass-kicking muscles. Will there be any martial arts involved?? That would be awesome.

Best of luck! I'll stay tuned and be sure to pass this along!

[Chris Kreitsch]

My favorite is a killer virus that gets most of the population but not all like in The Stand, Captain Tripps anyone?

[satisfied '75]

i have always thought it would be good to (correctly) know how to siphon gasoline from an automobile's gas tank. Looks fairly simple in the movies. Most things do in the movies.

[L.Bo]

oh! I like Kelly's idea!

uh... we get to play along at home... oh. man. I've got some work to do....
I don't have to run early in the morning do I?

[the slackmistress]

@L.Bo: Check out the training plan, and you can run whenever it fits in your schedule.

[Sara]

F-ing BRILLIANT!

I am definitely playing along.

Zombies - watch out!

Oh - and I know how to deliver a baby.

[generic viagra]

I have always thought it would be good to properly know how to siphon gasoline from an automobile's gas tank.