The Post-Apocalyptic Workout

Where I've Been Since This Blog Started.

I ran a 5K.

I ran a 10K.

I ran another 10K, faster this time.

I ran a half-marathon.

I'm back at the gym lifting regularly.

(I still haven't shot a gun. But I haven't had to use my CPR training. So there's a plus.)

A friend recently alerted me to the "Run For Your Life" 5K obstacle course where you outrun...zombies.

I'll be running this weeks after my 40th birthday.

If you're in the Southern California area, maybe you'll join me?

 

Can't Sleep, Zombies Will Eat Me

Miss me? I'm not dead. Mostly because the zombie apocalypse hasn't happened yet. So that's a good thing. Me not being dead and the lack of zombies.

Anyway.

I started this project three years ago, because I was bored and because I was convinced something bad was going to happen and I wasn't going to be ready. Something bad is always happening somewhere. And most of the time, we have no control over it. We do have control over how we react to it.

And so the Post-Apocalyptic Workout was born.

But I burned out - mostly because of the constant emails telling me that I was doing it wrong.

You're doing it wrong and because of that you're going to die and the people you love are going to die then the people they love are going to die* and your pets are going to die and everyone's going to die and how do you feel about that, missy? OH WAIT YOU DON'T FEEL ANYTHING YOU'RE DEAD.

And then I started thinking maybe only assholes survive the apocalypse. What's the use of living if you're surrounded by assholes?

So not doing stuff turned out to be waaaaay easier than doing stuff and here I am, three years later. I have been Doing Stuff in Secret, like I weigh 15 pounds less now and I have earthquake supplies and...okay, that's all I've been doing for my zombie preparedness. JESUS BACK OFF, OKAY?

But then I started to miss it, this crazy little part of the Internet, with its conspiracy nerds and survivalists and those who just like a good zombie show, dammit. 

I'm not saying that I'm back.

I'm saying that I never left.

I don't know what this is going to become, but there are some things you just can't plan for.

SEE YOU IN HELL, BITCHES,

Nina the slackmistress

 

 

 

*I particularly like that the people I love love other people, not me!

 

Day 75: Zombie Workout Tip of the Day!

Be prepared to see a few of these...

The preceding video can be seen at blip.tv or YouTube!

Day 73: Challenge One = FAIL?

You be the judge.

The preceding broadcast can be viewed at blip.tv or YouTube!

Details on the next challenge Faster Slackmistress! Kill! Kill! coming...soon.

Day 51: A Child Will Lead Them?

The above vlog can be viewed at blip.tv or YouTube!

Day 36: I'm Here to Help.

    1. Basic First Aid/CPR (Infant, Child, Adult)

DONE!

The above vlog can be viewed at blip.tv or YouTube!

Day 22: Checkin' In.

I woke up to the sound of rain and wondered how I'd make it to the gym.  After all, I would have to:

1. Get to the car. (Nearly twenty feet away!  OUTSIDE! Where there was rain!)
2. Drive.  (Through the rain!)
3. Find a parking space. (In the rain!)
4. Walk to the gym. (Possibly up to two blocks!  In the...well, you know.)

Because I am a Post-Apocalyptic Warrior not entirely a wuss too mortified not to go because I'm playing in front of a live studio audience, I hopped to it.  Upper body workout +  week four of the Couch-to-5K Run = one tired slackmistress.

But not too tired for a post-gym dispatch:

 

Choose Your Own Apocalypse.

A funny thing happens when, in a drunken moment an hour or so before 2008 rolls up you say something like "hey, I have this idea, and it's called 'The Post-Apocalyptic Workout.'"  It starts off as a sort-of joke, a side project, a way to get in (better) shape and learn a thing-er-two while you're doing it, and ends up a holy crap, I thought I didn't have any skills when I thought this thing up and now after reading all of your comments and emails, well crap, I'm really screwed.  Everyone's got their own idea on how this whole art installation we call Earth is gonna blow: we've got fast zombies and slow zombies and alien invasions and biochemical warfare and terrorist agendas and tidal waves and whoops, what does this button do?

I'm working at incorporating all of your ideas into The List, and via a suggestion by reader Katiebear, I'm going to post a monthly schedule of goals to keep us in check as we go along.

That's right, I said us.  Because you know you want to play along at home.  (Or not, but do you really want to be used as a human shield?)  I will mention that while I have weightlifted and gymmed and trained people in the past, I am not a certified personal trainer and whatever workout and/or diet plan that I post is to be undertaken at your own risk.   How I go about this may not be the best way for you.  Hell, it may not even be the best way for me.  There are as many ways to go about this as there are Nightmare Scenarios.   I'm just gonna pick a path and go for it.

As money is currently ubertight, I'm going to keep my budget for this experiment to $50 a month (of course, if the WGA Strike ends and I'm offered some sort of fabulous writing gig, this number could go up.)  That means I won't be able to purchase handguns and crossbows and laser pointers and telescopes and DIY Soylent Green Makers, but it should cover basic classes and supplies.

This weekend I'll come up with a January's Goals and a subsequent plan.  Although we're currently on "Stormwatch 2008" here in the Los Angeles area, so the end may be sooner than we think.  (I know, it's just rain!)  Stay tuned...   

The Post-Apocalyptic Workout

What the hell is this?  I'll tell you what it is:

Of course, this little social experiment depends on a whole host of factors: time, money, a true lack of actual nightmare scenarios, that sort of thing.  It's not about fitting into a size two or filming myself eating bugs (not gonna happen) or going into full "Survivorman" mode.  It's about learning how to carry my own weight - figuratively and literally.  I've created a list that's linked under "the workout" there to your left.  It's by no means an exhaustive list, and I imagine I'll be adding to it substantially as the year wears on.

I've envisioned this as sort of an audience-participation project, so please share your ideas, your criticisms, your input, your knowledge, and if you want to take this journey with me, please do.